bjcarlisle (bjcarlisle) wrote,

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Good Friday

I have today off work, which ordinarily I would be thankful for. But today will be the first day that I go without talking to my exboyfriend. We officially broke up on Sunday. Then Monday-Wednesday we exchanged hateful emails back and forth, and I dropped off his stuff with his mom. Then yesterday I got a text from him telling me that there was nothing I could do to come between him and his new girl. So I text him back and say 'good. neither of you will ever here from me again.'

Last night I slept more than 4 hours straight for the first time in 2 weeks. I went to bed at 10:30 and didn't wake up till 6. Then I just went to the bathroom and went right back to sleep. That's amazing progress! But this morning all I can think about is how its been 2 weeks since we went out and were truly happy. Tomorrow will be officially 2 weeks since we've seen each other, but he daughter was sick 2 Saturdays ago so we really didn't get to spend a lot of time together. But two weeks ago today we were really happy. Or at least I was and he was faking it pretty well. :(

And then I also feel guilt. Because as a Christian we 'celebrate' today as the day that Jesus suffered and died on the cross for my sins. Sins that I have committed over the past 3 months. Neglecting Him. Doing things contrary to His word and justifying it because I was happy. Yet here I am longing for those days to return.
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